Jordan

Jordan (???-2013) was best known as the frontman for legendary twee band Sally as well as his autobiography, composed entirely of old OkCupid chat transcripts.

Jordan was also a noted pop-culture critic, notably reviewing television shows such as The Sopranos, Mad Men, and various Cartoon Network series.

Views
He believed that The Sopranos' realistic view of marriage made it one of the greatest television series of all time.

He also initially believed that Mad Men's inclusion of adultry in it's plotlines made it unwatchable and didn't understand why nothing happens.

Disappearance
At some point in early 2013, Jordan is believed to have went missing. While there is little sign of him, police found his shorts in a van in the woods somewhere in upstate New York, speculating that he may have been kidnapped.

Another private investigator, however, has claimed to have seen Jordan active on "The AV Club" leaving cryptic clues to his whereabouts on articles for the television show "Community". This has led some to believe that Jordan's disappearance is possibly connected to his discovering the real reason Dan Harmon was fired by NBC, and that he is currently on the run.

In the aftermath of said events, Sally has been placed on hiatus and will not be working on their follow-up to their 1994 album "The Holy Bible".